secret notebook

When I started to accumulate too many dirty magazines
To possibly hide in my suitcase, I had to devise a new plan
So I started cutting out all the pictures in the magazines
Only the ones that turned me on a great deal

I was 15 and it took me some time
Possibly a weekend or more
But when it came to Playboy and Penthouse
It was easier
They were mostly articles

When it was done I had a garbage bag of disregarded pages
I tossed them away in a dumpster three blocks down
I put all the salvaged clippings  in a brand new Pee-Chee folder
Then put it all back in my ceiling now they were easier to look at

I didn't have spread three magazines
Across my bedspread anymore
Still I collected many more magazines 
Whenever I could steal them
From the corner grocery store

I had to start another Pee-Chee  when I tired of  the old photos
Like a drug I needed harder stronger, more dangerous forms of porn
A few years later Ted Bundy mentioned having this same problem

Many people believed he was trying to blame porn for his sick crimes
But I couldn't help but wonder
If I was a bad person myself
So I relegated Pee-Chee number one
To a light blue suitcase
In the basement

When my father found the secret stash a few months later
I claimed not to know whose they were.

Words adapted from a short story by kevin sampsell
Music by m johnson ©2008 zubsongs, ltd.