WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS (Act 1 finale)

ANNE MARIE
(to BETTY SUE)
Brad wants a Vegas wedding! Can you believe that?!
ANNE MARIE rushes out of the room.

BETTY SUE
Wait...Did she just say "Vegas?"

INGRID
Oh, dear. I don’t think she should gamble with her future like this.

GARY
Maybe she likes the Vegas odds.

INGRID
Or maybe she doesn’t know any better.

BETTIE SUE
If you ask me, she shouldn’t tempt the Vegas Gods.

MYRA
Amen. You can bet they’ll soon forget her.

ALL
WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS STAYS IN VEGAS.
THAT’S THE UNWRITTEN RULE.
BOY, SHE’S GOTTA BE A FOOL
TO THINK HER VOWS’LL LAST.

MYRA
HONEY, NOT SO FAST!

ALL
EVERYTHING IN VEGAS IS TOTALLY FAKE, IT’S A FANTASY, A TRICK, A MIRAGE.

MYRA
HAVE A WHITE WEDDING AT THE BELLAGIO...
AND WATCH YOUR "I DO"S
TURN TO "TOODLE-OO"S!

Others sing "Oo" underneath MYRA.

MYRA
VEGAS IS THE PLACE
WHERE THE FAKE-TANNED AND BOTOXED
WORSHIP AT THE ONE-ARMED SHRINE.

ALL
BRAD’LL TAKE HER DOWN THE AISLE THEN HE’LL LEAVE HER LOST AND FLUMMOXED
THE MOMENT THEY CROSS THE CLARK COUNTY LINE!

TIM collapses in grief as the piano plays a sad version of "Here Comes The Bride". The others revive him. He wanders upstage as the song continues.

ALL BUT TIM
WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS STAYS IN VEGAS.

BETTIE SUE, INGRID
IT’S NO PLACE TO BECOME A WIFE.

ALL BUT TIM
WE HATE TO SEE HER GAMBLE HER LOVE LIFE AWAY!
’CAUSE WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS SEEMS LIKE IT’LL LAST.
BUT THE MINUTE YOU LEAVE VEGAS
WHAT HAPPENED IN VEGAS
BECOMES A THING OF THE PAST!

EVERYONE sings "AH" underneath the following as they listen to TIM.

TIM
I LOST.
IT’S SAD.
I WANT HER.
SHE WANTS BRAD.
ISN’T IT RICH?
THEY’RE GETTING HITCHED.
AND I’M GOING BACK
TO MY BACHELOR PAD,
WHERE I WILL RAISE A GLASS
TO THE GLORIOUS ANNE MARIE.
AND SAY "KISS MY ASS!"
TO THE GUY THAT SHOULD’VE BEEN ME.
OH, ANNE MARIE.

OTHERS
DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP. FORGET ANNE MARIE!

ALL sing the following simultaneously.

TIM
I LOST.
ANNE MARIE.
NOW LOOK AT HER.
AND LOOK AT ME.
WHAT A JOKE.
I CHOKED.
NOW BRAD’S STOKED.
AND I’M STILL BROKE
AND TURNING THIRTY.
THE BIG THREE-OH, MY GOD.
I’M ALL ALONE
FEELING LIKE AN
OUT-AND-OUT NIMROD.

MYRA/INGRID
TO WIN
A GIRL’S HEART
TAKES PRACTICE, LIKE ANY ART.
BRAD’S RICH.
HANDSOME, FIT.
BUT YOU’VE GOT WARMTH SINCERITY, WIT!
YOU’RE CUTE.
MUSICAL, SMART.
FROM WHERE I’M STANDING THAT’S A PRETTY GOOD START.
IT’S A PRETTY GOOD START!

GARY
WOMEN? WHAT I KNOW ABOUT WOMEN?
THEY’RE AN ENIGMA
CURLED UP IN A QUESTION MARK.
LIKE HUNTING FOR
BLACK BEAR WEARING SUNGLASSES IN THE DARK.
NOW, TIM, DON’T LOOK SO GLOOMY!
TIM, DON’T LOOK SO GLOOMY!

BETTIE SUE
THERE ARE MEN WHO ARE HIP:
INTO MUSIC AND ART.
SENSITIVE MEN, LIKE IN THOSE SHAVE CREAM ADS.
MEN LIKE YOU, TIM, THEN THERE’S BRAD.

ALL
A,N,N,E,M,A,R,I,E!
A,N,N,E,M,A,R,I,E!

MUSIC intensifies as EVERYONE sings the following simultaneously.

TIM
I’M LOST IN THIS WORLD.
ANNE MARIE
WASN’T JUST A GIRL.
SHE WAS HOPE.
SHE WAS LIGHT.
SHE WAS A BEACON SHINING IN A DARK NIGHT.

MYRA & GARY
HEY, TIM. BE HAPPY!
THEIR WEDDING TREE IS GONNA TURN TO MULCH!
HEY, TIM. BE HAPPY!

BETTY SUE & INGRID
COME ON CHEER UP, TIMOTHY!
THE JOKE’S ON THEM, IF
THEY WANT TO TIE THE KNOT IN GLITTER GULCH!

MUSIC continues under the following.

BETTY SUE, INGRID, MYRA
TIM BE HAPPY!

TIM & GARY
WILL I (TIM) BE HAPPY?

BETTY SUE, INGRID, MYRA
TIM BE HAPPY!

TIM & GARY
WILL I (TIM) BE HAPPY?

TIM
(to MYRA)
WELL?

MYRA
IT’S HARD TO SAY.

OTHERS
HAPPY VALLEY!

TIM
AW, HELL!
BRAD WON THE DAY!

OTHERS
HAPPY VALLEY!

ALL
HERE IN HAPPY VALLEY.
HERE IN HAPPY VALLEY.
HAPPY!
WILL TIM BE HAPPY?

TIM
Vegas?

Words and Music by Michael Johnson
Dialog by Rich Rubin
©2014, Zubsongs, Ltd.