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follow the evidence

MONSIEUR ONFRAY
Naturally. I suppose when it comes to "spiritual" matters, we all pick and choose.
ULI BELIEVES IN UNICORNS.
FRANZ BELIEVES IN FAIRIES.
SONYA BELIEVES THE SON OF GOD
WAS BORN OF A VIRGIN CALLED MARY.
WILHELM BELIEVES IN WOTAN.
THEO BELIEVES IN THETANS.
JOEL OSSTEIN WOULD HAVE YOU BELIEVE
GIVE HIM MONEY AND HE'LL SAVE YOU FROM SATAN.
RELIGION'S A BIG BUFFET.
REGARDLESS OF WHETHER A BELIEF MAKES SENSE,
IT'LL MAKE IT ON YOUR TRAY
IN THE FACE OF THE EVIDENCE.

(Music vamps under the following dialog. MONSIEUR ONFRAY offers MARCUS the fruit bowl.)

MONSIEUR ONFRAY
Cherry?

(MARCUS takes a cherry and sips his tea again.)

MONSIEUR ONFRAY
All joking aside, tell me, then, Marcus, in the interest of getting to know each other, what is it that most attracts you to this Sacred Lotus Flower method?

MARCUS
That it's not a method. It's a way. We address the whole child: the mental, the physical, and the spiritual.

MONSIEUR ONFRAY
Sorry, you've lost me.

MARCUS
Inside every child grows a spirit bud, like the bud of a flower.

MONSIEUR ONFRAY
An actual spirit bud? Inside the child?

MARCUS
It's more like the child is the spirit bud. The bud is the child. It's all one.

MONSIEUR ONFRAY
Is it? And how can I tell if this spirit bud is real or imaginary? What's it made of? How can we measure it? How can we detect it in some way?

MARCUS
There's more to life than what can be measured scientifically.

MONSIEUR ONFRAY
Is there? What other method do we have to differentiate between what’s imaginary and what’s real?
WHEN ISAAC NEWTON SAW THE APPLE FA LL
IT WASN'T A MERE OBSERVATION.
USING ONLY ARROWS AND CANNON BALLS
HE EXPLAINED UNIVERSAL GRAVITATION.
THEN ALONG CAME ALBERT EINSTEIN,
FROM HIS PATENT OFFICE WATCHING STARLINGS FLY,
HE THOUGHT, "GRAVITY WARPS SPACETIME!"
TURNS OUT HE HIT THE BULL'S-EYE.
WITH THE HELP OF HUBBLE'S TELESCOPE, WE SAW
THE CMB RADIATION.
NOW HUMANITY LOOKS TO THE SKIES WITH AWE
AS WE STARE INTO THE FACE OF CREATION.
Speaking metaphorically, of course.
HOW DO WE FATHOM THE WORLD,
FROM THE TEENY TINY TO THE TRULY IMMENSE?
GRADUALLY IT ALL MAKES SENSE
WHEN YOU FOLLOW THE EVIDENCE.

(Music vamps under the following.)

MARCUS
Science can’t explain everything. Some things you have to intuit.

MONSIEUR ONFRAY
Yes, but intuition only gets us so far, doesn't it Marcus? I mean, your intuition tells you you're holding a tea cup, but in reality, there's an infinite amount of space between the tiny particles in that cup. It's really just a cloud of atoms.

MARCUS
Can you observe those atoms?

MONSIEUR ONFRAY
Not directly, of course. But with the right instruments...

MARCUS
You can observe the spirit bud directly. It’s in the joy on the children's faces. You can feel it when they're absorbed in a song or a story or a dance.

MONSIEUR ONFRAY
Fascinating. And why don't you teach academics?

MARCUS
Too early. The spirit bud has to be nurtured. Direct teaching, testing. All of your traditional methods. It’s like poking around in the soil with a painted stick.

MONSIEUR ONFRAY
But children love to learn, Marcus. Surely teaching them the three R's would help their "spirits" grow optimally?

MARCUS
Learn? You mean memorize and regurgitate.

MONSIEUR ONFRAY
(laughing)
Do I?

MARCUS
WHY DO YOUR CHILDREN HATE SCHOOL SO MUCH?
WHY DO THEY FORGET YOUR LESSONS?
BECAUSE YOU POKE AND PROD THEM WITH TESTS AND SUCH.
THEY SHOULD BE ASKING, NOT ANSWERING QUESTIONS.
WE MUST WAIT FOR THE SPIRIT BUD TO FLOWER
BRING OUT THE CHILDREN’S PASSIONS.
THAT'S WHEN THE CHILD IS AT THE HEIGHT OF HIS POWER.
THAT'S WHEN TRUE LEARNING HAPPENS.
HOW DO I KNOW I'M RIGHT?
THERE'S MORE TO THIS WORLD THAN WE EMPIRICALLY SENSE.
MORE THAN MATTER IN MOTION AND CHEMICAL BONDS,
SOMETHING BEYOND THE EVIDENCE.
MONSIEUR ONFRAY

I admire your passion, Marcus. You remind me of myself as a student in Paris. But tell me, when does the spirit bud...erm...flower, according to your beliefs?

MARCUS
It's different for each child. Generally around age 12 or so.

MONSIEUR ONFRAY
That late? You don't start teaching children to read and write until that late?

MARCUS
Education isn't about what children know. It's about who they are.
(looking uncomfortable)
Why are we talking about this? I need to pass that licensure exam to stay in the country. What do I need to do?

MONSIEUR ONFRAY
Do? Simple. You have to conduct a mountain of research, design a traditional-style lesson, write up a huge proposal, have the whole thing translated into French, then deliver it to the children in front of a panel of commission scolaire inspectors.

MARCUS
(crestfallen)
Piece of piss.

MONSIEUR ONFRAY
That’s the spirit. I think that's all the time we have for today. See you next week?

MARCUS
Next week.

(MONSIEUR ONFRAY rises as MARCUS gets up from the chair and steps out of the spotlight. MONSIEUR ONFRAY stares after MARCUS, then picks up the book he's been reading about Dr. Gliese, the founder of MARCUS'S method.)

MONSIEUR ONFRAY
Well, Gliese. I don't know how you do it.
IN THIS WORLD WHERE TEACHERS GET THEIR HEADS CUT OFF
FOR SHOWING A PICTURE OF MUHAMMAD.
IN THIS WORLD WHERE PEOPLE DRINK POISON
TRYING TO HITCH A RIDE ON A COMET.
IN THIS WORLD WHERE THE CHURCH LURES LITTLE BOYS IN
TO SUNDAY SERVICES WITH MILK AND A COOKIE,
SO THAT FATHER O'MALLEY CAN CLEANSE THEIR SINS
AND INTO THE BARGAIN GET A LITTLE BIT OF NOOKIE.
(He tosses Dr. Gliese's book into a trash can.)
GIVE US RELIEF FROM BELIEF.
FOLLOW THE EVIDENCE.
SAY, "GOODBYE!" TO YOUR RABBI.
FOLLOW THE EVIDENCE.
SAY "TOODLE-OO!" TO YOUR GURU.
FOLLOW THE EVIDENCE.
SAY "MA SALAM" TO YOUR IMAM.
FOLLOW THE EVIDENCE.
GET YOURSELF RELEASED FROM YOUR PRIEST.
FOLLOW THE EVIDENCE.
PUT YOUR PASTOR OUT TO PASTURE.
FOLLOW THE EVIDENCE.
HOW DO WE KNOW WHAT'S REAL?
THERE'S AN EASY METHOD IF YOU'RE ON THE FENCE.
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S REAL
FOLLOW THE EVIDENCE.
FOLLOW THE EVIDENCE.

Words and Music by Michael Johnson
© 2022, Zubsongs, Ltd.